Separation

Dear haniwww,

I'm too tired with my marriage. My husband never change and he's not capable of being a leader in this team. We always fight over the same problem, and nothing ever change. I always ask him to ask other people's perspective, so he can see the case in another point of view. But he never do that. Perhaps he doesn't want to change. Hence, he always think that he's always right.

I feel like I have no motive and reason to stay. With this kinda situation, I don't think the future will be better either. I don't know how to talk to him. I don't know how to make him understand. Meanwhile, I'm reading Dale Carnegie's book: How To Win Friends and Influence People. From his writing, I learned that people never blame themselves for anything, no matter how bad what they have done. So I am sure my husband will never ever blame himself too, can't even recognise what is exactly wrong with him.

Am I always right? Of course not. I'm the same, I will not blame myself too. But based on people's opinion, this time I was right. Oh no, not this time. Because the problem has been happening for long.

I'm extremely exhausted now. And nothing cross my mind beside separation. Yes, I want to be officially and mentally free from him. This relationship is so destructive, I cant even do my job if it keeps going this way. He ignored me for more than 10 days by now anyway. I don't want to get into details here. But I think he is actually not ready enough to have a family. He's still busy with his own life, and nothing I can do with that kinda person.

Yea, he might say that he was busy with all the studies, work, and every thing. I know that he never prioritise his family tho. But if only he remember, even when Prophet Muhammad found a man who prayed too hard, stayed in the mosque for most of his life, just focused to Allah The Almighty, Muhammad told him that it wasn't supposed to happen, he had to go back to his family and took care of them.


Jakarta, in the very late night (or early morning?), 02.30 A.M

After crying for this miserable life